I will not be able to fall asleep without getting some thoughts out of my head. I honestly don't know why when i'm already feeling horrible about a situation, and go to someone for advice they always end up giving me such good advice and making me feel 50% better about the situation i'm in, but then when I think everything is said and done that 50% good feeling shoots right now to -100% good feeling. It is seriously always the last sentence a person decides to share with me that ruins everything.
I'm just going to throw my opinion out here on the topic of relationships; they are basically pointless, and only used for most people as a sense that someone will be there for them until they decided they get sick of eachother, or things weren't working out as they had hoped in the first place (when they barely knew eachother)..etc. I won't waste my time until I know I am actually able to love that person. Which, in my opinion, takes atleast (speaking at the least number ever ever ever ever) would be two years, and that is the bare bottom smallest minimum amountof years for the words "I love you" to actually mean anything what so ever to me.
I'm over the whole "he didn't text me back so i can't talk to him for three days", it's stupid. Texting is another stupid concept, and don't get me wrong i'm at24/7texter, but that's because no one else enjoys talking o on the phone, or has the time to hangout, like i do. Life may seem to last a long time, but when all said and done i want to be able to look back and see that i wasted as little time as possible with things. It's time to move on. Those five words, placed in that order, in a sentence coming from my mind, are the worst words I ever have to say together. I'm not a big fan of change, especially if something is put in place and is almost exactly how i could ever want it, without me actually controlling it. I can honestly say in July, and some of August I was happy. Everything was going amazing, and i couldn't of asked for anything anyother way. I learned then that there was a true happy state that a person can be in, by the way events naturally occur. But, things obviously couldn;t last forever, because of the simple fact that nothing is forever. I know the feeling that I have been feeling for the passed month or so isn't a good one, and it's going to be so hard to take the passed 2+ years of my life and basically throw them away, only keeping them as the "good memories" i'll refer to when i'm having another bad day, or the people get brought up in conversation. I don't have bad things to say about anyone now.
It's generally said that seeing two people happy together should make someone happy, and i can tell you, nine out of ten times that is usually the case for me.. but this is infact the tenth time and it only brings me a feeling of depression in a way. I don't even know anymore. I honestly think talking about it makes it more and more true to me that moving on will be my best bet at this time. And like i said, nothing is forever, so maybe someday i'll get this great, soon to be missed, part of my life back.
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